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News from the Parish is about the humorous goings on in a village near you!

Vicar with tea

This years annual pantomime is Jack and the Beanstalk and I’m assured all is set for a spiffing show despite the early set backs with casting the lead roles. The problem arose with the arrival of an American transvestite to our little old village, eager to throw himself into the British way of life, Sidney/Sydney was determined to experience a traditional pantomime a concept beyond the comprehension of our cousins from across the water.

Having read the script he/she became somewhat confused with the gender switching roles of the characters, which considering his/her lifestyle may seem surprising. Dressing accordingly he/she auditioned for both principal boy, Jack and principle girl, Jill, giving such stunning performances that the panto director, The Reverend Noah Snoggphew hadn’t the slightest idea Sidney and Sydney was the same person, without any hesitation he cast Sidney as Jack and Sydney as Jill.

The seriousness of the situation was not fully realised until Jack had to fall in love with Jill, something that he/she did actually manage but was deemed unsuitable for a family show. When Reverend Snoggphew had been revived, for he had never seen that done before or had any idea it was possible let alone legal, it was decided to recast the two roles despite Sidney/Sydney offering to have various operations. All was not lost for our American Thespian as he/she was asked to portray both ends of Daisy the cow, where perhaps the motto “out of sight out of mind” applies, break a leg Sidney/Sydney.

Young blonde bombshell Polly Filler was given the opportunity to play Jill so presumably the unsavoury incident from last years show, when she was overlooked for the Goose in Mother Goose, has been resolved. Incidentally National Hunt jockey Rhonda Winner who was the Goose has had the Golden Egg surgically removed thankfully making a full recovery. Unfortunately for us she has left the am-dram world taking up a safer hobby of skydiving after seeing this notice. “Parachute for sale, used only once, never opened, small stain.”

There was a feeling this years show might have been cursed with bad luck when Mable, known to her young farmer friends as “Able” who had been drafted in to play Jack, fell through the open trapdoor. Injury was avoided as the fall was broken by falling on Daisy the Cow who was flat on her/his back with legs in the air, apparently he/she was trying to milk him/herself so the cream was on top. Able Mable assured everyone she wasn’t accident prone, it was just a stage she was going through.

Nine hundred tickets are now on sale from the usual outlets for the three performances, the panto club are hoping to break last years record attendance of 43. Look out for a full review in next months “News from the Parish.”

who was the Goose has had the Golden Egg surgically removed thankfully making a full recovery. Unfortunately for us she has left the am-dram world taking up a safer hobby of skydiving after seeing this notice. “Parachute for sale, used only once, never opened, small stain.”

There was a feeling this years show might have been cursed with bad luck when Mable, known to her young farmer friends as “Able” who had been drafted in to play Jack, fell through the open trapdoor. Injury was avoided as the fall was broken by falling on Daisy the Cow who was flat on her/his back with legs in the air, apparently he/she was trying to milk him/herself so the cream was on top. Able Mable assured everyone she wasn’t accident prone, it was just a stage she was going through.

Nine hundred tickets are now on sale from the usual outlets for the three performances, the panto club are hoping to break last years record attendance of 43. Look out for a full review in next months “News from the Parish.”

Rev G Legge (legge404@btinternet.com)

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