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Old man with teeth out

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his
assistant's question about his ‘garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't all I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires ...

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Newborn baby

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

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Hot mamma

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.  A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that ... I said, you've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

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Stopped by the police

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

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