Twas the second week of Christmas my true love said to me “Christmas lights not working, don’t forget the crackers and who’s nicked the fairy off the Christmas tree”
The madness that is Christmas has begun in earnest with women turning from peaceful law abiding citizens into foaming at mouth deranged psychopaths. We go from rational thinking humans to buying any old tat that the normally empty high street has to offer.
Christmas jumpers what on earth is that all about? I mean you would not walk down the beach with a flashing bikini would you, so why oh why would you think that running around with reindeer antlers strapped to your heads and a jumper that if your Nan knitted back in the day you would have made up extreme illnesses to avoid wearing.
Being bombarded by loved ones about what presents you want, the main clue to this is that husbands actually start to show an interest in you, be very careful with this as anything you say you need this time of year falls into the things that your other half will buy as a gift, including Ironing boards, garden brooms, even floor cleaner. I suggest leaving your computer browser constantly on Cartier’s website, of cause you will still have to draw his attention to the fact that you have done this, I find surrounding the computer with food usually draws him to the vicinity then a £5 note stuck to the screen brings the attention closer, failing this there is always the use of threats, Oops I mean giving him a list.
Always make sure he does not go down the clothes route, I mean he spends 352 days of the year with you, where on earth did he get the idea that you would wear a dress that could only be described as a dishcloth which I might add the minute his back is turned that is what it will become, either that or you get the wrong size, wrong style, totally unsuitable underwear, which I might add due to the size he is going to be in the doghouse, too big (bra) and you question his choosing, too small and you question his choosing, so any men reading this be warned, if you want a peaceful Christmas stick with Cartier’s.